


My girl

by kiarcheo



Category: Los Hombres de Paco
Genre: F/F, LHDP, Pepsi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-04
Updated: 2009-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:30:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiarcheo/pseuds/kiarcheo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the kiss at Sara's Communion wasn't their first one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She remembers her first kiss. Although at the time she didn't give it much thought.

She was sixteen and she was a normal teenager, actually her first fifteen years of life were the most normal period she'd ever had. Sure, she was a nerd; she liked studying, and she had that horrible red frizzy hair that stood out on her white complexion, but she was an average girl, after all.

The only special thing about her, the only special person, was her best friend.

She didn't have many friends, or better, she didn't have friends at all. Not the kind you call when you are bored, searching for company, or the one who invites you to a sleepover or a shopping trip. She got invitation to parties and had people to talk to or call when she missed school, but mostly because she was always gentle with everybody, and they tried to return her courtesy.

But she had a best friend, someone that deserved the title, not just because she was the only one she had.

She made her laugh when she was sad, making silly faces or saying stupid things just to cheer her up.

She didn't care about her little fads; she never made fun of her if not affectionately; she always encouraged her.

She made her feel important. When she went with her to school she would greet her friends, but never stray from her. When she waited for her after school, leaning on the wall surrounded by her 'popular gang', she would always smile when seeing her approach. She would wave to the others and, without a second glance, use her long legs to meet her in the middle of the courtyard, offering to carry her pack.

Nobody made fun of her when she was with Pepa; actually, nobody made fun of her at all after the ones who did it got punched by her best friend. Pepa never told her that, she discovered it when she asked them, surprised when they apologized. Their only answer was, "Pepa has a mean hook."

Every time Pepa spent time with her she couldn't help feeling special, thinking that she preferred her to the 'cool guys'.

People didn't understand how their friendship could work, they were so different…for a long time everybody, even their families, waited for the other shoe to drop, for Pepa to get tired of her 'geeky' friend or for Silvia to find some 'more proper' company. It never happened.

So, except her friendship with her sister-in law, Silvia was your average common teenager.

And like every girl her age, she was a keen fan of the pop singer of the moment.

When Pepa waved two tickets under her nose, she didn't need to see the names on the tickets to know what they were. She jumped on her bed and flung herself into her best friend's arms. When her kiss, instead of landing on Pepa's cheek, landed on her lips, she didn't think much about it and crushed her in a bear hug, repeating her thanks for the present.

After all, who needs friends, when you have Pepa Miranda!

                                                                                                  ooooo

Her second kiss, although it would be more accurate to say kisses, happened a few months later.

They were in Silvia's room, and it was a 'truth's night'.

It was one of those nights in which there isn't anything on TV, you don't have homework, you don't want to play…in short, you have nothing to do but listen to old Motown records on the radio. So you talk, and, since you are with your best friend, you spill secrets that nobody can ever know.

When Silvia confessed to Pepa that she had never kissed anyone, Pepa didn't know what to say: she knew it was wrong, but she was happy that her friend confirmed her hopes and she was happy that she was inexperienced. Now her brain didn't need to be occupied with thinking of a plausible excuse to beat the crap out of the first boy who had kissed her. Instead, she heard a Temptations song coming softly from the radio, the lyrics making her smile. _"I guess, you'd say, what could make me feel this way?"_

When she admitted her fear at not being good at it, Pepa brought her attention back to Silvia and smiled gently, telling her that she would be good at kissing like she was in everything else. Seeing that the red head wasn't convinced, she tried to speak her language, saying that she _can_ learn it because learning and studying was so natural to Silvia.

This got Silvia to thinking: Pepa taught her to apply make up. Pepa taught her to go on roller-blades. She taught her to climb trees and walls. She taught her to treat cuts, acting like a human guinea pig. She was the best teacher she had ever had; she didn't get mad when she made mistakes….

"Teach me."

"Uhm?" Pepa's confused expression seemed so cute to Silvia. Probably not many people would have associated the word "cute" with Pepa: reckless, beautiful, swearing, arrogant, witty, sarcastic, hot… but surely not cute.

"I want you to teach me."

Pepa looked perplexed "Are you sure?"

Silvia nodded, pleading with her eyes and her words "Please!"

Pepa could never say no to Silvia.

oooooo

Pepa pressed her lips to her friend's. For a second Silvia thought about the shock she felt when their lips touched: it could have been electrostatic current due to the fleece they were wearing…but soon she lost herself in the softness of Pepa's lips.

Silvia felt a hand on the back of her head, pressing her forward, then she felt something wet on her lips.

She gasped, opening her lips a little and the same thing that she now recognized as Pepa's tongue, crept in her mouth. Instinctively she closed her lips, trapping Pepa's tongue between her them. Pepa drew back slowly.

"Pelirrojia…you should let my tongue in…."

"Sorry" mumbled blushing, not looking in Pepa's eyes.

"Hey, look at me…it's not wrong…I mean, it's pretty pleasant, but first we learn to kiss simply, then we do the other tricks…."

Silvia nodded, trying not to think about how Pepa could know other tricks and how many people she had kissed.

They adjusted their position, moving one opposite the other, since before they were leaning side by side against the headboard.

This time Pepa's tongue obtained immediate access to Silvia's mouth and began exploring it, stroking every crevice and searching Silvia's tongue, whose owner was trying to keep still. At the contact, Silvia gasped, jumping back.

"Sorry," she said to a worried Pepa, "I wasn't expecting it, it surprised me."

"Do you want to go on?"

Silvia nodded, smiling a little, embarrassed, then she leaned towards Pepa.

"Play with it."

"Uhm?" Silvia didn't know where to look: the lips that were so close to hers, their noses that were touching, or her eyes so profound and expressive.

"Play with my tongue…touch it, stroke it…"

And like they say, third time was a charm.

.

"It hurts."

"What?" asked worried Pepa, sitting up on the bed, so she didn't crush Silvia.

"My tongue."

Pepa laugh loudly. "Pelirrojia, that's impossible!"

"No, it's not! It's a muscle so it's bound to be sore after having used it so much…"

Her explanation and Pepa's giggles are interrupted by the door's opening. Silvia shoved Pepa off of the bed, so that from the door she wasn't visible.

"Dad!"

"Hija…what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

DL looked around the room: nothing strange.

"Uhm….anyway….have you seen Maria Jose?"

Silvia imagined Pepa, hidden under the bed, rolling her eyes and smirked a little. "No…why?"

"Her parents can't find her…and she isn't at Paco's….who know where she is…she is a born trouble-maker….I swear she likes driving us mad…I'm so lucky to have you. Well, good night then."

"Good night, Dad."

Pepa rolled out, got up and brushed off the dust from her clothes. She walked over and opened the window.

"Pepa…I'm sorry," said Silvia, knowing that her father's words hurt her friend.

She, turned around, smiling sadly "It's not your fault, pelliroja, not your fault…" and she climbed out.

Pepa wondered why everyone always pushed her away. Her parents sent her to Paco's so they can fight without worrying about her, not that they noticed if she is at home or not. Paco sent her to Silvia's, because he has a daughter and he can't always look after her little sister too. And now Silvia literally shoved her off to hide her from her father.

She often wondered why everyone at school seems so envious of her: why would someone want to be her?

ooooo

"Practice makes perfect," stated Silvia while they were on the way to her home.

"What?"

"You know, they say that practice make perfect…and I want to be perfect!"

"Princesa, you are perfect to me," interrupted her, without thinking.

"Pepa," Silvia warned with a friendly glare. "You could help me. When it happens, a kiss I mean, I want it to be perfect, I want to be good at it…think about it!" she shouted climbing the stairs.

' _I'm supposed to help her to prepare herself for her…it's not her first kiss…her first kiss with a boy…._ ' Pepa felt herself dying on the inside at the mere idea of Silvia kissing another person. She knew she shouldn't accept, because it wasn't right and it was dangerous. _'If someone finds out they won't let me near Silvia ever again. I wouldn't be able to see her or speak to her, not spend my time with her…if DL doesn't kill me first! I'd have to leave….I had always dreamed of travelling around the world with Silvia…but I know it's impossible…I could go to Sevilla…or Barcelona…'_

Pepa was torn: this probably would have been her only opportunity to kiss her love again…because she was pretty sure she was in love with Silvia.

She tried to kiss other people, boys and girls. She thought that maybe it was so great with Silvia because she was a lesbian so she even slept with some of them, but nothing came even close to the indescribable sensations she felt with a single kiss from Silvia.

In the end she knew that she would get her heart broken in any case; the question was: did she prefer watching her falling in love and having relationships, knowing that other people were enjoying what she taught her or take advantage of her trust, enjoying her kisses as long as possible and then disappear, trying to forget her pain and move on?

ooooo

"Practice makes perfect," Silvia said once. They weren't certain on the perfect part, but they surely practiced a lot.

They were kissing, and a hand wandered under the shirt, then immediately withdrew.

The next time a hand stroked the back, up and down, up and down.

A few nights later they cast aside their shirts, after all they were both girls, there was nothing to hide or that they hadn't already seen.

The next article of clothing to go was the pants: nothing to be ashamed, it was like being in a bikini at the beach.

Silvia's thigh slipped between Pepa legs, pressing on her crotch and eliciting a gasp and involuntary thrust of hips that surprised them both.

After Pepa mirrored the action, it was only a matter of time before they consumed their relationship.

For her seventeenth birthday, Silvia obtained a lock on her bedroom door; officially the reason was to avoid embarrassing moments with her father. In actuality, without the fear of being discovered, Pepa was able to spend the night there, while her parents thought she was at Paco's and Paco thought she was at home.

During those nights Pepa picked up the scientific attitude of her 'friend': they explored each other with method, caressing and kissing, nibbling and licking every single spot of their bodies, returning and insisting on the most sensitive ones.

They never talked about their arrangement, both being afraid of the outcome of an eventual discussion.

Pepa was dreading the moment when Silvia would announce that she had found a boyfriend and that their meetings had to stop. Many times she almost confessed her love, but she couldn't take a rejection or a 'we are just friends' talk or pity. If Silvia only wanted her for practice, then she would settle for it, taking things as they came.

Silvia was confused and scared. She didn't understand her feelings for Pepa, but she was pretty sure they surpassed what she should feel for a friend, even a fantastic best friend. She thought about talking with her since they had always talked about everything, without secrets, but she was afraid to drive her away.

She heard people talking about Pepa, about how 'she didn't do relationship'; she didn't really think that Pepa would leave her, or stop talking with her, but she didn't want to take the risk. If Pepa only want her as a fuck-buddy, like they called it on TV, she would settle for that, taking things as they came.

oooooo

At the communion party, Silvia was near the drink table when Pepa arrived, not exactly properly dressed.

She saw how every single man present, except their fathers and Paco, looked at her practically drooling.

She restrained herself from making a jealous scene and stomped angrily towards an isolated table. She almost didn't notice when Pepa sat next to her.

Silvia looked at her fidgeting hands and smiled at her. "What is it, Pe?"

Pepa didn't answer, but took out her pack of cigarettes and opened it. Silvia was ready to start her usual lecture about smoke's dangers when a little packet slipped out of the pack.

"It's for you." Pepa handed it to her. "A present," she added needlessly.

"For me?" Silvia immediately felt dumb at asking for confirmation, but Pepa only nodded, grinning a little.

She opened the packet and took out a necklace with a little flame as a pendant.

"Do you like it?" asked worried Pepa.

"It's beautiful!" answered a breathless Silvia, turning her back to Pepa and held up her hair.

Pepa fastened the necklace. "When I saw it, I immediately thought of you…" Her explanation was interrupted as Silvia dragged her under the table and began to kiss her senseless.

The next thing they knew, there were two arms yanking them from under the table, tearing them away from their bubble of happiness.

Everybody was around Silvia, making sure she was okay; in her head she screamed that Pepa would never harm her and that it was her fault, that she started it, but she hadn't the courage to say it aloud.

Later she would say that she was high; in any case they wouldn't believed her.

Pepa's head was spinning while she was leaving the reception to go home and wait for her parents, like her father yelled to her. She heard people murmuring, saying that it was no wonder that her parents had problems with a daughter like her, and that she was a disgrace to her family, but at the moment she didn't care.

' _I knew it would end like this.'_

On the way to home she searched her pockets, needing a cigarette, then she remembered that she had emptied her pack so that it could hold Silvia's gift. _'Dammit!'_

ooooo

Pepa didn't have a stereo anymore: one day she had turned up the volume, trying to cover her parents' screams, but apparently it was too loud, because they marched in her room and took it away, saying that she had to stop being a brat who only thought about herself.

So she was in her room, lying on her bed, listening her parents accusing each other. She heard her mother yelling that he was such a bad example of man that he had scared his daughter away from the male species and her father screaming that she hadn't been a good mother since she hadn't even managed to raise her daughter like a woman.

When the voices quieted, she heard the door opening and Paco blabbering something before being shut up by DL, not that she expected something different from her brother: he had always been accommodating, especially with his father-in-law/boss.

DL began to talk, saying how Pepa was a bad influence on his daughter, that they shouldn't allow their daughter to stay at Paco's anymore and that surely he wouldn't let her near Silvia ever again.

' _That's it! I know what I have to do.'_

She waited until her parents went to bed, in their separate rooms, thinking that since they hadn't checked on her she could have spent that time with Silvia, then got up. She began to pack her bags, for once folding her clothes carefully since she didn't know when she would have the opportunity to iron them again. She decided to leave all her books and her collection of music: they were too heavy, encumbering and not to mention, useless. She looked at her schoolbooks, thanking God that the year ended. She had hoped to spend all her summer days with Silvia. _'At least I have a diploma… I'll never study again, but it could be useful.'_

When her parents went to work, Pepa cooked a big breakfast for herself then searched in the kitchen and packed a rucksack with biscuits, bottles of water, bread and some fruit.

She went in the guest room, now her father's bedroom, and took his pocketknife, then she took all the money she found: after all, if she stayed they would have continued to maintain her, so she was only taking what was hers.

She checked everything one last time, left her keys on the kitchen table, and left the house.

' _Now only one thing is left, only one stop and I'm gone.'_

oooooo

The whole Castro-Miranda family was gathered for lunch at Paco's. All the adults had taken a day of leave for nursing Silvia back to health, not that it was needed. They observed Silvia, scanning her for strange behaviours or symptoms, thus managing to annoy the hell out of the girl.

A knock sounded at the door. Lola beat everyone to answer it, hoping to prevent a bloodbath or a bigger mess if it was Pepa waiting on the other side.

"Excuse me, is there a Silvia Castro here?" an errand boy asked, "because they told me that if I didn't find her at home to come here…"

"Yes, she is inside…"

"Good…this is for her," he handed Lola a bunch of flowers.

She closed the door and went towards the table. "Hermana, you didn't tell me you had an admirer…"

Silvia choked on her food.

"Oh oh, hija, be careful, calm down" her father patted her back.

"Forget-me-nots."

"What?" Silvia was more confused than before.

"These flowers are forget-me-nots." Lola gave them to her sister. "Who sent them?"

Silvia stood up. "I don't know…can I use the bathroom?"

"Sure…are you okay?"

"Yes, yes," she answered, pocketing the card without being seen by the others, "and I don't really know who sent them…there isn't a note…if you want to look…."

Silvia sat on the stool and looked at the card _"To my princesa."_ She smiled, recognizing Pepa's writing with the first two letters, besides, she was the only one who called her princesa. She opened it.

" _Pelirroja, I'm really sorry that it ended like that. I hope they are_ _n't too hard to you, don't worry about them blaming it all on me, it doesn't matter anymore._  


_I want to thank you for everything, what you gave to me means more than you'll ever know._

_The moments spent with you were the happiest ones of my life and I'll forever cherish them._

_Please, don't let anyone extinguish your flame and your passions; I'll carry you forever in my heart._

_Be happy and pursue your dreams, because I know you'll make it, I have faith in you and I always will._

_I won't ever forget you, princesa!_

_Pepa"_

"I won't forget you either Pepa, never, I swear," murmured Silvia.

Lola knocked on the door and, not hearing an answer, entered.

"What happened?" she rushed to the sobbing figure.

Silvia raised her head, tears cascading on her cheeks.

"She's gone."


	2. Alternative ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those who wanted an happy ending.

A knock starts Silvia from her musing. She rises from the bed wondering: _'Papa and Lola already checked on me before going to work. Who could it be? God, I hope he didn't send some of his men to guard me._ Opening the door there is nobody so Silvia closes the door.

Another knock.

Silvia turns around and a smile appears on her face as she sees who the person is out of her window. She runs to open it, but her happiness and movement freeze at Pepa's expression: solemn, serious, sad… not at all like the Pepa Silvia loves.

"What's happened?" the redhead asks, worried.

"I'm going away"

"What? How? Silvia splutters.

"I'm going away. I'm leaving the city" Pepa repeats.

Silvia stands aside, but Pepa doesn't move when she says, "Come in."

"Pelirroja," she says as she gently shakes her head.

"Pepa…" Silvia warns her. "Come. In. You can't spring news on me like this and then leave. Come in."

The brunette looks around and then at Silvia. She sighs and enters the room, but remains sitting on the windowsill.

Silvia quietly asks, "Why?"

Pepa looks at her.

"Why are you leaving?"

Still no answer.

"It's...because of what happened…."

She is afraid of asking, _'Does she want to go away because of me?'_

"No….yes"

Silvia waits for explanation.

"Princesa…" Pepa searches for the right words. "I'm not ashamed and I don't regret it. I don't regret anything. But now everything's changed. Your father won't let me near you anymore… he is probably implementing a restrictive order against me at this very moment." She chuckles humourlessly, adding, "and I have no motives to stay"

"But what about your…"

"My parents?" Pepa interrupts. "Are you kidding me?" she asks in disbelief.

Silvia hangs her head: she feels guilty. Her father, with all his faults, loves her while Pepa's parents…she can't believe that someone could treat their child like that.

"Where are you going?"

"Sevilla, I think. But maybe I'll go somewhere else…I don't know. Malaga, Barcelona…" Pepa shrugs. She hasn't really thought about it. All she wants is to go away.

"How will you survive?"

"I have some money and I'm of age, so I have access to my bank account and I'll find a job."

They stay in silence for a while, looking at each other.

"Bueno, princesa, I only wanted to say goodbye in person. Now its better that I go, before someone finds me here…"

Silvia can't speak, so Pepa pulls her closer and hugs her tightly, kissing her forehead. "Adios, princesa," and with a jump she is outside.

Silvia follows her until she is out of sight, closing the window and resting her head on the glass. Her eyes wander to the floor while she tries to rationalize what happened when she glimpses a piece of paper. She picks it up and opens it: it's Pepa's.

She sits on the bed and starts reading:

_Princesa, if you are reading this it means that I'm unable to talk to you in person._

_I don't know if you already know it, if your father announces it to you while doing a happy dance, but I'm going away._

_I don't think there are any other ways to say it: I'm leaving and I don't know if I will come back._

_The only thing that made my life here bearable was you. Spending time with you was the highlight of my day and now I don't have that anymore._

_Your father won't let me near you, and he convinced my parents to not let me stay at Paco's anymore either… and I can't survive a whole summer without you and at home with my parents._

_I want to thank you for everything you gave me, your friendship and… I won't dare say love, but affection. If I managed to give you even just half of what you gave me…I can only say that everything I did, I did it with love._

_Yes, LOVE. Now I finally can say it. I'm a coward because I didn't tell you sooner, but I love you, Princesa, I'm in love with you._

_I was afraid of your answer and that you would have thought that I took advantage of you… Maybe I did, and I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me if I took the only opportunity to make love to the girl I love._

_Now I only hope that the love of my life will continue considering me her friend._

_Te quiero._

_Por siempre, tu Pepa._

_P.S. I don't think they will let you, but my coach leaves at 5.30 pm. I'd like to see you for the last time. Besos._

Silvia lets herself fall on the bed; the same bed that witnessed her meetings with Pepa. _'She loves me. Pepa loves ME!' S_ he reads again the letter to make sure she didn't misunderstand. ' _The love of her life.'_ She buries her head in her hands _'God, all the time I talked about guys, about how I wanted her to help me to be ready for my first boyfriend, she was in love with me! She was in love with me and stayed there listening to me. Dios!'_ She stares at the ceiling, contemplating the heaviness of life without Pepa. _'All the summer without Pepa… stupid! All the summer… all my life!'_

Silvia falls asleep while thinking, tired by her sleepless night, the emotional morning, and begins to dream:

An adult Silvia wearing a white coat in a lab.

The same woman wearing a wedding dress: _'A masked party?'_ Young Silvia unconsciously wonders, _'why am I dressed like a 1800's lady?'_ At her side a man, dressed for a wedding too. _'But he can't be the husband, can he? He's not even shaved. And what kind of animal licked him? His hair is hideous!'_

Adult Silvia standing in a bedroom: The man is naked in the bed and the shower is running. _'Bastard! He cheated on me!'_

She is again in the lab, another man is with her, proposing to her _'in front of dead bodies? Is he stupid? Why not in a graveyard? It would be more romantic! Ugh, I think Pepa's sarcasm is rubbing off on me.'_

Now she is discussing marriage with a third man: _'He is kind of cute…but what is with men and horrible hair?'_ He is accusing her of being cold, frigid _'inorgasmo?'_

She is in bed, naked. Above her there is someone. Someone tall, very tall, with smooth skin, big hands and _'long hair?'_ They kiss. "Are you trying to kill me? Dios, I don't think I can take anymore orgasms." Adult Silvia hoarsely whispers. _'ah, ah! Anything that inorgasmo it seems.'_

Then the unknown person drags her eyes away from her lover and turns her head, so as to look directly at young Silvia. "Princesa, it's a question of partner. You need the right one," the woman states. She looks like Silvia always imagined Pepa would look as an adult.

Silvia wakes up with a start. She looks around: what a nightmare! 'Well, except the last part…'

She closes her eyes again, remembering the sensation of their naked bodies together; Pepa's skin under her hands. _'Dios, I'm so lucky to have her not only in my dreams'_

Then the reality crashes her like an anchor dropping into the sea: Pepa is leaving. She won't have her anymore. Pepa is leaving without knowing how she feels.

"What feelings?" a voice in her head asks.

"That I love her." Silvia answers, not even aware that she is talking aloud.

"I think she knows that," another voice, seeming different from the previous one, answers.

"Not that I _really_ love her," Silvia repeats.

"Like, _in love_ with her?"

"Don't be stupid, she can't be in love with a girl!"

"Why not? She admitted a long time ago that her feelings for Pepa were more than friendship and she didn't seem happy with men". The two voices start bickering.

"It was a dream!"

"Yeah, and even in her dreams she is happy with Pepa and miserable with everyone else. What does that say to you?"

"Shut up!" Silvia yells. Her voice echoes in the empty house. She sits up and hugs her knees.

ooooo

"What are you doing here?" Pepa looks at Silvia, surprised. She didn't expect to see her there, not after she already said goodbye. And how did she know the place and the time?

Silvia stands up and straightens her clothes.

"I'm coming with you."

Pepa almost chokes on her cigarette. "What?"

"I'm coming with you to… wherever you are going"

"Are you joking?" Pepa asks incredulously after recovering her breath.

"No." Silvia's assurance disappears as she tucks her hair behind her ear. "You don't want…" she hangs her head, staring at her feet.

"Princesa…" Pepa puts her hands on Silvia's shoulder. "Look at me." She waits until the redhead raises her head. "I'd love for you to come with me. I would be the happiest person on the planet." Silvia starts to smile but stops as Pepa continues. "But I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I won't regret it."

"Silvia…" Pepa tries to make the redhead understand.

"Pepa." Silvia says, using the same tone. " I decided and you know that when I put something in my head I'm very stubborn."

The brunette chuckles: "I know that very well." Then she returns serious, asking "Are you sure?"

"You know me. I don't act without thinking beforehand, but when I decide something I stick to my decision. And the only thing I did without thinking… well, it brought me the best thing of my life." Silvia smiles at Pepa. "So, wherever I thought about it or not, yes, I'm sure."

"Pelirroja, what about your father? My parents won't care, they'll probably be happy…but he, he loves you more than his own life"

Silvia takes Pepa's face in her hands. "Pepa, do you know who I love more than my own life?"

Pepa shakes her head, staring at Silvia with big eyes.

"You. Pepa, I love you. I'm in love with you. Te quiero," she states before kissing her.

"Are you-"

"Oh, will you stop doubting me?" Silvia interrupts, exasperated.

"I was saying 'are you ready?'" Pepa smirks. "Did you bring something or…"

Silvia rolls her eyes, not believing her, but answers anyway. "Yes, over there are my bags, I took all the money I found and I have a bank account as well. And I left a letter." Silvia stops, words stuck in her throat, thinking about her dad's reaction when he'll find it.

_Papa,_

_lo siento, lo siento muchissimo!_

_I never wanted to disappoint and hurt you like I know I did yesterday and like I'm doing now._

_I don't know if you already know…seeing how much they care about her, I don't think they even notice it, but Pepa is leaving Madrid._

_When you read this letter, she will be gone and me with her._

_I'm not joking. I've no intention to let the best thing of my life go. And no, she didn't force me. She didn't force me to run away with her (actually, she didn't even ask me, I decided it). Just like she didn't force me to kiss her yesterday. I did it. I started it. If there is some fault, it's only mine._

_I know you don't understand._

_You see Pepa like a despotenciada, a descerebrata…I see her like my best friend, who holds me tight when I cry because I miss mum or for whatever reason._

_You see her like the girl who almost failed at school every year. I see the girl who doesn't study but is so intelligent that she always manages to get marks high enough to pass._

_You see her like the girl who often skips lessons and has the nerve to show up at school at the coming out. I see her like my best friend who always comes to pick me up and carry my pack._

_You think that when she doesn't return home at night, she's probably whoring herself around and that she likes to make adults crazy. I know that 90% of the time her parents and Paco don't even know that she is not at home. I know that she doesn't return there because she is sick of her parents' fights and I know because she was with me._

_For you, she always gets into fights without reasons, but she always did it for me; to protect and defend me._

_I know that you don't understand; that you think she corrupted me, but it's not true._

_I love her. It's not misguided feelings. I tried to convince myself that what I was feeling for her was only friendship, but I was lying to myself. I hurt myself and her because I was afraid._

_But thinking about my life without her…I can't. I can't imagine it. She IS my life._

_My love for Pepa is not a childish crush. We're the same age you were when you married mum; the same age Lola fell in love with Paco._

_You probably won't accept this, but Pepa is the love of my life._

_Please, don't try to find us. I leave with the hope that one day you'll accept us. But if confronted, if you find us and make me choose, I'd choose her. It would kill me, but I'll always choose her. So I ask you, as one last favour:_

_PLEASE DON'T TRY TO FIND US._

_Lo siento._

_I love you._

_tu hija, Silvia._

Pepa hugs her without saying anything: she can't know how it is, leaving a loving family behind to begin a new life in another city without the certainty that accompanies you all your life.

In that moment Pepa silently swears to herself and to Silvia that she will do everything to make her happy; to show her that she made the right choice and to give her everything she may need, at any cost.


End file.
